I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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