I want you more than these girls want KFC
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
