I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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