And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
