they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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