Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
