Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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