I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
