I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
