lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
