if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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