We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
