what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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