There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need water and some morals
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
