We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
