my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
