i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is the high leading the old right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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