Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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