one might say we're banned from that church
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
