i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
