A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
