making cat noises will not fix the situation.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize