dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
