Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
