I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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