oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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