We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
