matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
