ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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