so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
