Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
