brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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