Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
