Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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