she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
