somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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