A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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