Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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