On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
