It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
