i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
