im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
