hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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