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his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
