Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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