The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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