Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
