You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
