my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
