seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
