Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
