it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
