There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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