I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
