In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
