the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
