I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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