so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
