Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
