apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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