This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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