we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
