It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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