...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Farmville is her only friend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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