He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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