im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
