yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
