WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
