I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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